Christian Writers Circle

I Am Not My Own

by

Kathleen Shore

To know we have been bought at the highest price… Marking us with His signet ring of unchangeable value and worth… His blood now painted upon the doorposts of our heart and upon the canvas of our lives displaying how high, how wide, how deep the Father’s love is for us. Brings me to the question, “Why would we choose to live outside the power of His love poured out?”

“What do you mean by this?” you might ask. In answer, I will tell you of my pursuit for God’s quest within me! I will let you in on my prayer for His loving kindness to roam through every dark cavity of my soul and to make the place He gave His Son to die for, His home in me.

This place within us is the reward of His suffering. But still, there are areas we withhold His reward when we deny Him full possession of His rightful place. This snare of the flesh continues to keep me on my knees, crying out in declaration, “I am not my own…”

In this journey, I soon became aware of Father’s heartbeat, searching to find His children living in awe and wonder of their First Love…filled with an unspeakable joy in response to what He had done.

This ignited a pure and holy fire, set ablaze in my heart…and I began to charge my life with these questions:

• Is the life of our Lord Jesus Christ not enough?

Romans 5:1-5 NIV “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

• When did I decide that my thoughts were higher than His?

Isaiah 45:7-12 NIV “I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things. You heavens above, rain down my righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness flourish with it; I, the Lord, have created it. Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Does your work say, ‘The potter has no hands?’ Woe to the one who says to a father, ‘What have you begotten?’ or to a mother, ‘What have you brought to birth?’ This is what the Lord says – the Holy One of Israel, and it’s Maker: Concerning things to come, do you question me about my children, or give me orders about the work of my hands? It is I who made the earth and created mankind on it. My own hands stretched out the heavens; I marshaled their starry hosts.”

• Where did prideful arrogance seep in and cause me to resist The Almighty God or talk back to my Creator?

Isaiah 29:15-16 NIV “Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, ‘Who sees us? Who will know?’ They turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘You did not make me?’ Can the pot say to the potter, ‘You know nothing?’

• Who deceived me to think, “I can do this without Him”?

Galatians 5:7 NIV “You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?”

• What caused me to take my eyes off Him and sink into the waves of the enemy’s earthly rule over me?

Matthew 14:28-32 NIV “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “Why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.

Drawn by His love to allow His finished work in me, I rested all that needed changed down at His feet. For the greatest misery of this life is not our earthly conditions…but the resistance of our will to the will of the Father within our earthly conditions.

Maturity in Christ Jesus marks the one who lives consumed with God’s will being done, through the power of His Son, no matter what the circumstances look like. They are not tossed about like a wave of the sea. They are not longing after something other than God’s will, accomplished.

We must live steadfast in knowing we are being transformed into His image through the earthly situations Father’s hand has placed us. He only asks that we yield ourselves to Him. He will work in us, to will and to do for His good pleasure. This all will come through His mighty power as we die to “self” so that we may live through Christ. Our part is to yield, His part is to work; and never will He give us a command, which is not accompanied by ample power to obey it.